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Today’s topic is a good one, letting him be a man. You hear this in our society all the time. “Just let him be a man.” That statement is replete with arrogance, insensitivity and fuckery. You letting me be a man is like me letting you have a vagina. It’s like letting you have breasts.
The reason I am having this talk is because if you didn’t already know, I’m a unicorn. I am from a land far, far away. I remember the first time that I challenged that assertion. It was probably 1997. I was at work. I worked in the medical field. It was the estrogen zone. We were in the breakroom. This one woman said, “Girl, just let him be a man.”
His being a man has nothing to do with her. When I said that, they just sort of sucked their teeth and rolled their eyes at me. Their attitude seemed to be: How do I have the audacity to challenge such foolishness. I call it the African DNA syndrome, but more on that later. They just went on and on and marginalized my comments.
I’ve noticed it is still something that many women say. It sounds really foolish when a dude says it. No, she doesn’t have to let a man be a man. That is his prerogative. That is what he needs to do. That has nothing to do with her.
The sooner you realize that, the easier your life is going to get. You will go through this rough patch of throwing out the garbage and getting rid of the bullshit and cleaning your mind out.
This is what happens. When you fall prey to that mindset, you give up your power.
Let me give you an example. I had a friend and he was having marital problems. He got really frustrated when I was over there. He said, “Ya know, you just have to let me be the man of the house.”
At that point, I said, “Good evening. I’ve got to go.”
Later on, she ends up throwing him out. It was two or three weeks later. He calls me and says he needs a place to stay. I told him he could stay with me.
I thought about that. In the middle of a demand, he gave her an option to let him be a man. Now, let’s just reverse that. Let’s just take it all the way back. What if he had said, “I am the man and you need to deal with it. I’m going to protect this house. I’m going to make sure that we’re safe. I’m going to do what I need to do to make sure we’re good as a family.” I guarantee you he would have gotten a different response.
When she heard, “You’ve got to let me be a man.” She heard a child. No woman respects an adult child. If you behave like a child, you will be treated like a child regardless of your chronological age. That’s what he did. He had a temper tantrum.
This is the danger of falling prey to this mindset of letting him be a man. Now I’ve got some advice for you. Next time you hear a man say that, you may want to say, “Bro, let’s talk in the hall.” Then you need to educate him.
Words have amazing power. Propaganda has amazing power. When you start repeating the dogma or propaganda of people who want to control you, they already have controlled you because you’re using their language to define yourself.
If you keep using that phrase, “You’ve got to let a man be a man,” you have lost the minute you opened up your mouth, because you don’t believe you’re a man. You don’t believe you have the power to be a man without the approval of a woman.
That’s what it is all about. Men do 70% to 90% of what they do in life for the approval of a woman. Now how can you smash something that does not respect you? Think about that.
Where we are as a society is a very strange place. Many men are opting out. They’re saying fuck it, I’m just going to fuck, play, and smoke weed all day. Men get this way because they know if get married, and work hard and build up assets and a woman is unhappy, she can just leave and take half of their money and there isn’t a lot they can do about it. That’s the thought process, but it’s not entirely true.
There’s a lot you can do with it which goes to the heart of what I’m discussing in this video. When you claim your agency of being a man and you start to project and build and plan your life before a woman comes on the scene, you have a better way to handle her.
I’ll give you an example. I’ll use me. When I meet a woman and she does not meet certain criteria I have already written out, then she is just going to be a sexual partner and nothing more. There are about ten things on my list of criteria and it has nothing to do with looks.
What many of you are doing are marrying sluts and then wondering why they are fucking around on you. You’re getting with bad people and hoping they will change. You’re passing over good women because they weren’t hot enough. You are the agent of your self-destruction.
Whether you plan a life or you don’t plan a life, it’s a choice.
If you keep following the “she said” doctrine and just let her have her way, slowly but surely, you’re going to give up every essence and every corner and every aspect of your masculinity. Then you’re going to wonder why they don’t respect you.
It is more important for a woman to respect you than like you. It is a hard lesson to swallow. I used to be where you are. I wondered why it never worked out.
Now I know. I was fed a false narrative of how relationships should be not how they actually are. When I created my philosophy and criteria, my dating life got fantastic. I have something called the 99% rule. Ninety-nine percent of the people you encounter are not the one. It might be someone you’ll have a pleasant lunch with. It may be someone you’ll fuck for two or three years.
When you meet that person, you can build a life with, it will not be about sex. It will be about enjoyment and having a good time. It will be about the future and legacy.
Are you going to let someone say, “You’re a man” or “You’re not a man or are you going to stand up tall and say, “Yes I am a man and you have nothing to do with it. That’s my business. If you don’t like my business, get out of my life.” You have to be that direct.
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